Now would be a good time to apologize in advance and ask you not to judge. I hate venting. I hate feeling sorry for myself, so don't even give this two shits, I just need to rant.

So, I really haven't been talking about life to anyone except my one friend who came to visit twice within the last few months, from the other end of the state, so. Otherwise, tumblr has been my outlet for my uncontainable word-vomits and shpeals. Which counts to 3 or so from the past year. Geez, I haven't updated my journal since last summer? Well. It's been a crap year.

Crap year except fooor a certain someone— *sighs*. Haha, yeah. The love rant. I'm allowed to have one. I'm sure y'all know how crushes are. I don't now how things are gonna be with us. We're great friends, speak together easily, hang out a lot—what does that mean? *flails* Could there be more? Or are we already technically—? But it's not like he's literally asked me to be— Yeh, I'd wanna. Geez, maybe it would help if I had more than zero experience in romantic relationships.

Ok, so here's the root of all my other problems: procrastination. Lame. Yes. But it kinda goes beyond that when you're starting your weekend homework Sunday night at 11pm and not eve having enough time in the night to finish. That's not the least of it, either. I just— My school performance is down, I actually am falling asleep in classes this year, when I have never been able to in my whole school career, even when I tried. Even when I'd stay up late often on the internet in middle school. Better yet, next year is "hell", with more and the most workload... I've resigned myself to "I'm going to have no life next year." Not with an upping in art and academics. Cripes. I'm actually getting most of my work done, just, at the last minute, and at the expense of a lot of sleep.

More than just school, I'm also not doing chores nearly as much as I should, (Actually, all my chores consist of is doing the laundry.) and my room constantly looks like a pigsty. More than usual. Um, I'm not able to go to my martial arts classes 'cept on Saturday, which is really a shame, because I love kung fu. I quit piano, annnnd, I haven't really told anyone. Yeah. I still play on our own piano sometimes, but there goes 10 years of instruction, and the $6,000 my dad spent getting a new piano, which now my brother is the only one who really uses it. I feel guilty as hell for quitting and not saying goodbye, but I just really did not like— ... I started to hate piano, and I do not regret quitting, but I still feel bad about it. Something about this, though, the guy I like doesn't know I'm not taking lessons. I'm not sure if that's significant, or... I'm not telling him because right now I'm still somewhat a better pianist, and I don't wanna ruin that image. In other words, I don't want him to have one less thing to like about me.

So why am I procrastinating? The computer. More specifically, the internet. Even more specifically, tumblr and NeoPets and... well, yeah. And the last thing I want to do or hear is that I must quit Neo or have the internet taken away. No, I need these outlets; especially since TNT has frozen all my mains, and I have practically nothing to show on that site that I have been playing for about 10 years. I don't know what's going to happen there, either. Are they going to unfreeze my last account? Should I wait? Should I buy a super awesome account off the internet? I want an account with the perfect usernames. Crap, they're all not available yet even though they've been purged and no one can tell me why! I want to make a little perfect (or at least next to perfect) world with all my Neopets characters and their pages and stories and all the achievements I've ever accomplished for that site.

Also, my keyboard is having difficulty typing letters in the bottom-right corner (in the "m", ",", "k", area) and I've fixed it twice, but it keeps getting messed up. I need a new keyboard.)

I just want time. Time to sleep, draw, design, code, paint, think, do nothing, learn, and play. Can I just— never need sleep? Ugh, I'm breaking out. Ugh, I'm EATING too much unhealthy stuff. UGH, I'm not working it off!

Though I did go to a birthday party last Saturday and we had crawfish and danced— one of the most fun experiences of my life to the point where I was practically giddy. Oh, but today—teacher—my phone—NOT FAIR—I'll talk about it later.

The system is wack.

Ah, but this is an art site! Well, I actually think my work is progressing nicely. I wish I had the time to scan/document/upload most of what I've done. I'll get to it, eventually.